I'm Just Not the Shinichi You Knew
by AndroidEvian
Summary: Shinichi meets Murano in their favourite park, and things are quickly soured with his casual mood toward her nostalgia.


Shinichi decided to spend some time with Murano. Kana was busy today, after all. He finally answered the last text that his friend sent him.

 **Shinichi: Do you want to do something today?**

Her answer came ten minutes later, as he was cooking some breakfast for himself and his sad, self neglecting father.

 **Murano: Yes please. Can we meet at the park? I know you like quiet spaces like that the best.**

 **Shinichi: Sure. Can I make a request though?**

 **Murano: Of course! What is it, Izumi-kun?**

 **Shinichi: Don't ask me if I'm really myself anymore.**

It was about a full minute of stillness on his phone screen before a "Murano is typing," box appeared below her previous texts.

 **Murano: ...I'll see you there at noon.**

He couldn't help but sigh. He turned the flame off the stove and sat down with his grilled fish and rolled omelette. He ate them reluctantly, not even noticing the flavour he knew he would have tasted if he wasn't disappointed. He set a plate of similar foods for his father, leaving a note reminding him to take care of himself and covering it in foil. His father would be leaving for work soon, so he'd pass it by when he took his whiskey from the fridge and sat down to his first glass of the day. He felt sorry for the man. He felt sorry for him because the man was alone in his grief. Shinichi's strength probably made him feel worse about himself, but the boy just couldn't mourn.

Climbing up the stairs, he entered his room and lay down on the bed. He put in his earbuds, and selected 'Pieces of You,' by Epik High. It was a Korean song, a language that he didn't understand, but he'd read a summary of the meaning. He knew it was about the artist's father, describing their memories together. He also talked about his regrets, his joys, and his wish to know his father when he was still young, so they could stay together and he'd never have to leave his son. He described what it was like watching his father growing old, the sight of his back to the son growing further in the distance and watching him growing tired. It was such a tortured, well expressed melancholy song.

"Shinichi?" Miki called him as the song finished. "Are you depressed?"

"Do I show all the symptoms?" he replied, laughing slightly at the halfhearted joke.

"No, not exactly, but it appears you have an affinity for very despair inspired pieces. Is it because they describe your emotion when you have no words to describe it yourself?"

"Ah. You hit the nail right on the forehead, Miki." Shinichi admitted.

"You should quit staring at the ceiling so intently."

"Why?"

"You're going to burn a hole in it, and possibly in a nearby planet as well, with a gaze like that."

"Gomen, I'm really trying to pay attention, I'm just deep in thought." He apologised, staring at his parasite for the first time that day, managing another semi convincing chortle at Miki's sense of humor.

"So it would seem." the creature agreed.

"Oi, Miki, did you come from a planet out there, somewhere?" he asked timidly, not sure if this was insulting or flattering.

"I can't say. I don't remember coming from anything, specifically. I just woke up to find that I had joined the circle of life, and that I'd leave it just as fast if I didn't find a host."

"I see. That seems quite sad, to me." the host replied.

"Why?"

"Well... I know you can't long for something that you've never had, at least not the same way someone who has had it can long for it. But I think it's sad anyway, that parasites have no mothers or fathers. They might be more like you and Tamiya if they had that guidance."

"Speaking of which, one of my kind is near." Shinichi jumped from the window onto the deserted street. "Fifty meters to your left, go down the street, and then another seventy five meters till you're in the ally." Following the directions, Shinichi soon walked in on a parasite inhabiting a female and its half finished victim laying in a puddle of his own blood. The parasite stood up, licking its lips of the blood.

"It seems I've been disturbed. How annoying." Its face became a slinky of steak cuts, knife accented muscles meeting Miki with a clink of steel against steel. It was a couple minutes of frenzied standstill before Miki disarmed her, and Shinichi dove at the opportunity, kicking the parasite controlled female into the wall before ripping the heart out. He watched it turn to dust before leaving the empty alleyway, rubbing the now frequently pocketed hand sanitiser into his palms to wash the blood off.

"The most recent of them seem really practiced." the host noted quietly.

"I agree. That one put up a better fight than most we have faced." Miki agreed, clearly thinking hard about it.

"Should I be worried?" Shinichi asked, limiting the movement of his lips as the suburban sidewalks began filing up.

"Of course not." the parasite reassured him. "I practice while you're asleep you know, with the curtains closed."

"Isn't that just thoughtful of you?" he said thankfully.

Noon...

Shinichi approached Murano, sitting down in one of the swings beside her. She smiled, handing him a tattered object. He took it in his hand, eyeing it curiously as he tried to make sense of the vague familiarity of it. Noting his expression, Murano opened her mouth to explain.

"It's the old baseball we used to throw around in the practice diamond." She pointed to the fenced off dirt playing field behind them. "Do you remember?"

"I do now. A dog came and tore it up when you accidentally threw it too far." he chortled, tracing the bite marks and frayed stitches in the dirty white leather.

"Mhm. You were really scared when you saw him with the ball in his mouth. He was shaking his head out and growling. You were so scared, you started shaking." she giggled, her hand covering her mouth a bit, but there was some anxiety in her tone.

"Was I?" he mused, thinking back to try and recall why he'd feared an animal that was more focused on leather wrapped stone than him.

"Yes! Don't you remember?" her voice grew more upset, frustrated, like she was trying to express herself in a language he didn't speak.

"Yes, I remember," he replied, putting his hands up to try and calm her. "I just can't believe how pitiful I was as a kid." He laughed at himself, not understanding the panicked and angry reaction of his friend.

"I should have known you would say something like that... Izumi-kun used to be so full of emotion and life. He had fears and phobias. But now you're not afraid of anything. You always seem so calm, even with everything that's going on. It's not normal."

"Murano-san..." he said, voice breaking slightly, reaching for her as she stood up from the swings.

"Aren't you aware of everything that's happening? Don't you even care about all the people who are dying in this town?" her eyes were tearing up, her voice forced to remain steady in her sobbing.

"Of course I care about what's happening! But it's not happening to me or anyone that I'm close to, so it doesn't make any sense for me to be so upset about it!"

"It shouldn't have to make sense! The Izumi-kun I knew was kind, he wouldn't act like nothing was happening, like you are... You," she managed, pointing a finger at him accusingly. "Tell me, are you really..."

" _Damare!_ " he stood up, ripping the chains from the scaffolding overhead in his rage. "I told you to quit asking me that... you know why?" his own voice was tight with angry, betrayed tears.

"Why?" Murano asked, just above a whisper.

"If you're so human you could figure it out! I told you to quit asking me that because it hurts that you can't accept me when I'm exactly as I've always wanted to be. Stronger, less timid, able to stand up for myself. If you can't be happy for me then leave; I'm tired of you trying to turn back time with that stupid question. It makes me want to die every time you ask it."

"Gomen. I thought you were someone else." and with that, she left. She was out of sight in a matter of minutes, Shinichi's enhanced sight something he hated having at times of goodbye.

"Well played." Miki applauded as he was walking home. "If she can't come to terms with the way you are now, she doesn't deserve your friendship. I'm a bit disappointed you didn't have the chance to mate with her though." it was obvious his parasite was trying to cheer him up with the casual jokes of the attraction he knew the host had once harboured for her, but it simply wasn't helping.

"Don't remind me; it was hard enough admitting I'm not the Izumi Shinichi she wants."

"Well, you could probably mate with Kana then."

"Urusei. She's busy today, and like I've said, I'm in no hurry to have sex."

"You still need to do something to improve your mood. The anger you held towards Murano is more akin to regret now. I don't understand this. Was there not a metaphorical weight lifted from your chest?"

"I'm glad we finally said goodbye, because now I know she's not on my side like she used to be. I just don't like the way it ended. Does that make more sense to you, Miki?" he asked, reaching the gate that separated his residence from the streets.

"Ah. Arigato, Shinichi. It's always helpful to hear you explain the reason behind your emotional state."

"Why is that?"

"It reminds me that you are learning to understand more logical thought processes from me, and through this you can better our physical and psychological wellbeing. Simultaneously, I am learning to understand more human thought processes from you, and through this, I can also better our physical and psychological wellbeing."

"Oi, Miki?" Shinichi prompted, now up the stairs and opening the door to his room, sitting down on the bed. "Do you think part of my old self is lost in you?" the parasite blinked, thinking this curious question through.

"No, why do you ask?"

"Because, what you said just now, about our wellbeing... it was so kind."


End file.
